What is self-respect and why is it important?
here's probably some surprising reasons why you've got to get on top of this. Are you disrespectful to others? Are you a bully to others? Are you mean and cruel to others?
Are you critical harsh and demanding toward others? Are you unforgiving to others? Hopefully, as I walk you through these things, you're like, "No, no. I'm... I'm kind and compassionate and loving and forgiving to others." Right. What would give you the right to be any of these mean, cruel, harsh things toward anyone? It's clear to see how this applies to other people but are we doing this to ourselves? You've probably heard the word hypocrite. I went and looked it up. Check this out.
A person who pretends to have virtues moral or religious beliefs principles etc that he or she does not actually possess. Especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. I had to look that up because honestly, if we are being mean to anyone and professing to be a kind person, then we are a hypocrite.
We're pretending to be nice. It's easy to be nice and compassionate forgiving toward other people. If we're being unforgiving and mean and cruel and harsh to ourselves, that probably means that we're being a hypocrite.
We're pretending to be nice but then we're secretly beating up on someone. This is a little surprising to a lot of people. Because you'd think that self-respect is all about "me", right? Yourself. No! It's about how you treat people. All people. And let's just bend in the hypocrisy for a minute and see if we're doing these things to ourselves and professing to be a kind person then we're being a hypocrite.
Years ago, I had the opportunity to run some groups in a juvenile detention facility in Oregon. This was during my clinical internship. And as I was meeting with these kids. Now, remember these kids are in a facility that the court sent them to, alright? They've all been sentenced basically to this institution. And as I'm running a group with these kids, there's this 15-year-old over in the corner. He got his hat on backward and he's like, leaning back in his chair and he's got this attitude going on.
We were talking about respect. And he said this. He said, "I respect those who respect me." And I'm like, "Wow! That's impressive." Right? How hard is it to respect people who respect you? Here's the challenge. Respect those who are mean to you, who are cruel to you. Respect everyone. Why? Because you're a respectful person. We don't discriminate and pick and choose someone to be disrespectful toward. Either you're a respectful person or you're not. That became so obvious as we were having that group meeting. Don't tell yourself you' rea respectful person while you're secretly or even openly bullying or persecuting or abusing someone. Even if that someone is you.
How would you feel if you knew that someone was secretly beating up someone that you loved dearly? Think of how your loved ones would feel. If they knew that someone was secretly bullying or beating you up. This is a terrible dilemma to put others in. Sometimes we think that all of this self-loathing that's going on affects only us. It doesn't. It affects everyone who loves you. And if they knew that someone was treating you that way, how would they feel toward that person? This is a huge dilemma because they love you but what if it's you that's beating you up? Do you see the dilemma?
Let's stop doing that to our loved ones. We deserve better. Now, you might be wondering, "Well, how do I do that? How do I start being nicer to myself? How To ForgiveYourself And Learn From Your Mistakes." The short version is we've got to let go of our destructive pride. I know. It doesn't seem like pride to beat yourself up. It feels like abject humility.
No. Its destructive pride because you're singling out one person to bully or intimidate. And just because that person is you, doesn't give you a right to act that way and to treat anyone that way.
When we let go of that destructive pride and we accept humility, which suggests that "I'm not a special case. I deserve all of the same respect that anyone else would deserve", I can be treated the same way I'm willing to treat other people. See, that's a humble approach. And that's going to feel just a little backward to you perhaps right at first. Try it on. See how that feels as you learn to forgive yourself. As you wrap your head around this, let me be a more consistent part of your team.
Are you critical harsh and demanding toward others? Are you unforgiving to others? Hopefully, as I walk you through these things, you're like, "No, no. I'm... I'm kind and compassionate and loving and forgiving to others." Right. What would give you the right to be any of these mean, cruel, harsh things toward anyone? It's clear to see how this applies to other people but are we doing this to ourselves? You've probably heard the word hypocrite. I went and looked it up. Check this out.
Hypocrite:
A person who pretends to have virtues moral or religious beliefs principles etc that he or she does not actually possess. Especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. I had to look that up because honestly, if we are being mean to anyone and professing to be a kind person, then we are a hypocrite.
We're pretending to be nice. It's easy to be nice and compassionate forgiving toward other people. If we're being unforgiving and mean and cruel and harsh to ourselves, that probably means that we're being a hypocrite.
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We're pretending to be nice but then we're secretly beating up on someone. This is a little surprising to a lot of people. Because you'd think that self-respect is all about "me", right? Yourself. No! It's about how you treat people. All people. And let's just bend in the hypocrisy for a minute and see if we're doing these things to ourselves and professing to be a kind person then we're being a hypocrite.
Years ago, I had the opportunity to run some groups in a juvenile detention facility in Oregon. This was during my clinical internship. And as I was meeting with these kids. Now, remember these kids are in a facility that the court sent them to, alright? They've all been sentenced basically to this institution. And as I'm running a group with these kids, there's this 15-year-old over in the corner. He got his hat on backward and he's like, leaning back in his chair and he's got this attitude going on.
I respect those who respect me:
We were talking about respect. And he said this. He said, "I respect those who respect me." And I'm like, "Wow! That's impressive." Right? How hard is it to respect people who respect you? Here's the challenge. Respect those who are mean to you, who are cruel to you. Respect everyone. Why? Because you're a respectful person. We don't discriminate and pick and choose someone to be disrespectful toward. Either you're a respectful person or you're not. That became so obvious as we were having that group meeting. Don't tell yourself you' rea respectful person while you're secretly or even openly bullying or persecuting or abusing someone. Even if that someone is you.
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Here's another perspective you may not have thought of:
How would you feel if you knew that someone was secretly beating up someone that you loved dearly? Think of how your loved ones would feel. If they knew that someone was secretly bullying or beating you up. This is a terrible dilemma to put others in. Sometimes we think that all of this self-loathing that's going on affects only us. It doesn't. It affects everyone who loves you. And if they knew that someone was treating you that way, how would they feel toward that person? This is a huge dilemma because they love you but what if it's you that's beating you up? Do you see the dilemma?
How do I start being nicer to myself?
Let's stop doing that to our loved ones. We deserve better. Now, you might be wondering, "Well, how do I do that? How do I start being nicer to myself? How To ForgiveYourself And Learn From Your Mistakes." The short version is we've got to let go of our destructive pride. I know. It doesn't seem like pride to beat yourself up. It feels like abject humility.
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| Self-respect Quotes |
No. Its destructive pride because you're singling out one person to bully or intimidate. And just because that person is you, doesn't give you a right to act that way and to treat anyone that way.
When we let go of that destructive pride and we accept humility, which suggests that "I'm not a special case. I deserve all of the same respect that anyone else would deserve", I can be treated the same way I'm willing to treat other people. See, that's a humble approach. And that's going to feel just a little backward to you perhaps right at first. Try it on. See how that feels as you learn to forgive yourself. As you wrap your head around this, let me be a more consistent part of your team.
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